Vertax was a wizard, but by all accounts not an entirely sane one. His earthen-cobblestone spire sat atop a grassy bluff and he would spend many an hour in the highest chamber of the tower, gazing out onto yonder towns in the west and the expansive woodland to the north. Vertax would rise rather late in the day, instantly snapping to a perfect 90-degree angle before sprinting out of his home and into the village below for groceries. But today was not like the countless days before it. Upon catching word of a dragon’s hidden trove, Vertax had been consumed with the urge to embark on a great quest. He spent the entirety of forty days and forty nights poring over ancient scrolls and chronicles to ascertain the dragon’s whereabouts. Its name, he gleaned, was “Fibrenojen.” Ballads of old told of its gleaming scale and molten breath. It was said that this dragon kept more than simple coins in its keep; the fabled “Rectangle,” lost to time was said to be Fibrenogen’s prized possession. So it was to be that on that fateful Blurthsday morning Vertax did leave his hovel, setting out into the fen, his azure robes and long beard whipping in the wind.
Vertax’s presence did not go unnoticed, however, for only two hours after leaving home he was to face his first danger. He was unaware of this but the fen he had set foot in was home to a clan of bloodthirsty, gold-pinching goblins. It was one such goblin that first spotted Vertax as he strolled through the marsh, blowing rings of pipe smoke up at the immense cloud of birds that followed him. The goblin was about three feet tall, yellowish-green, and possessed a high-pitched squeaky voice (as all goblins in the northeast do). The goblin leaped out of the reeds to the left of the wizard and began shouting at him to “Give up all yer coin!” but due to its miniscule stature and the cacophony of the birds it took a full ten minutes for the wizard to notice. When he at last did a full horde of goblins had amassed, jeering and brandishing their mallets. Vertax let out a sigh, which simultaneously expelled a great cloud of ink-black smoke from his pipe which, when blown away by the wind, revealed that he had disappeared. Vertax reappeared behind the horde and in a rumbling voice, like the crashing of an angry sea, he said:
“Hear me now goblins! Leave me be!! For I am on a quest, and had the very wind and fire and birds not conspired to shape my destiny I would not be here before you now and not one among you hold nary a chance of besting a great blue wizard such as I!!”
With that Vertax let loose a maniacal cackle, his hands crackling with lightning. The majority of the goblins turned tail and disappeared into the fen. However, three large and brutish ones still remained. They pointed and laughed, yelling “He teleported! He can’t afford a steed!”
Vertax was hurt by their slight and with a grandiose gesture he set his flock of birds on the goblins and continued on his quest, humming to himself.
As the sun began to set on the horizon Vertax had nearly made it. The cave entrance gleamed at him in the distance. It was nestled at the base of a craggy mountain, the path lined by tall sturdy oaks, their orange-yellow leaves blowing through the air. Suddenly the path that Vertax walked erupted in a swath of roaring fire. The blaze grew, circling him and drawing ever nearer. With some quick thinking the wizard conjured a mighty gust of wind that bellowed into the inferno, tamping it into a light smolder. Now, clear before him was a tall, stick-thin figure, draped in shadow, a pointed wizard hat on their head pointed to the sky. Vertax cried out “Who art thou, wizard!? Thine doth possess bad vibes, why hast thou set my path ablaze?!!”
The shadowy figure replied, speaking in a booming, echoing voice, “Hark! For I belong to the shadow-wizard-money-gang!! And we do indeed love to cast spells so, wizard, I would be very wary if I were in thine clogges!”
Grievances laid plain, the two began to pace, there was 40 feet between them when they stopped to make their play. The tension in that evening air was palpable as a rogue gust blew, a prickly, care-free tumbleweed rolling between the two of them. Vertax’s hand like lightning flashed and the shadow wizard too began to cast a spell but the blue wizard was too quick of hand, shooting his foe several miles directly up, whistling into the calm evening sky.
When Vertax dashed into the cave a sunbursting gleam of gold and jewels dazzled his eyes. The mountainous pile of treasure held him spellbound. As such, Vertax failed to take note of the other enormous presence to his left. The sudden jet of flame wrenched his flesh from his bones and made his skeleton naught but ash. However, wizards can never truly die, for an hour later Vertax popped back into existence, unchanged except for the imperceptibly different hue of his robes.
He silently tip-toed up behind the dragon and conjured a gargantuan mallet, knocking her unconscious. Finally, the loot was his! And resting there, atop the pile of riches was his prized claim. The fabled rectangle seemed almost angelic; its four angles were a perfect 90 degrees! Its two pairs of parallel lines and congruent sides were a sight to behold. Best of all was the undeniable fact that its diagonals did indeed bisect each other!
“Beautiful,” thought Vertax, as he began his leisurely stroll home.
Photo: “A Wizard here id doing black magic” by Tutubeelovegirl1 is licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0
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